Couples Counseling Can Help Your Relationship.
Are you and your partner struggling in your relationship? Are you feeling stuck?
Do you find that arguments between the two of you are getting more escalated and out of control? Perhaps you have started to avoid the ‘tough topics’ in order to avoid a fight.
Are you feeling more and more alone, overwhelmed, and helpless to create change?
Perhaps you have started avoiding the issues because it is so overwhelming, only to find that they don’t get any better.
Or perhaps you feel you have made countless attempts to address issues, only to find yourself feeling more desperate, alone, and fearful.
Are you afraid that your relationship might be over despite the many years you have spent together?
Perhaps you find yourself wishing you could just reach your partner, but helpless after countless attempts to do so. Or maybe you feel afraid to reach for your partner because it feels too vulnerable, risky, and overwhelming.
Relationships can be hard to navigate and it can feel overwhelming. However, your relationship can improve! If you are feeling out of options, I can help you find a way back to each other. Couples therapy can help you get unstuck, and I can support you through this process as your couples therapist.
Many couples have been through similar difficulties as you. I have worked with many couples in couples therapy, have seen these struggles before, and have supported couples in this process of healing and finding deeper meaning and connection in their relationship. You are not alone, and I can help you.
You may have some hesitations about starting couples therapy, which makes sense! Starting couples counseling is a big step – it means you are making a commitment to yourself, your relationship, and your partner. It is normal to have some hesitations about starting the process.
You may have been to couples therapy before and felt that it didn’t work. Of course, there could be many reasons for this. Perhaps either you or your partner were not in a place where you were ready to address these issues together or put in the work that is necessary to create change. Going to couples counseling requires a commitment from both of you that you are willing to try new things, be open to feedback from your partner, and a willingness to be vulnerable with your thoughts/feelings. All of these things are very courageous endeavors in the face of the struggles you are facing, and it is understandable that either of you may not have been ready to begin such a vulnerable process! However, in the context of couples counseling with me, I will support you both in feeling safe, getting what you need and giving your partner what they need. Couples counseling is about creating a safe environment to try new things that feel vulnerable, and in the end, can also strengthen your bond and help you feel close again. Couples counseling can also be about finding the courage to express yourself, perhaps your inner worries/fears about the relationship (which can also be very vulnerable) and have those worries/fears heard and validated by your partner, to feel comforted in each other’s presence. If you feel ready to take this courageous leap together, I am here to support you. You may find that in doing so, your bond with one another deepens in a way that you not experienced before.
Another reason that couples therapy may not have worked for you in the past is that the approach that the couples therapist used was not a good fit for you. I want you to have a good understanding of how I work with couples in couples therapy so you can make the most informed decision about who you would like to work with in therapy. Here is a brief overview of what couples therapy could look like with me:
Upon first meeting with you both, I will want to get a good sense of what current struggles are bringing you to therapy, the history of those struggles, and what typical patterns show up in your relationship (often these patterns happen again and again, no matter what the content is). I will also want to understand the strengths in your relationship and what strengths you see in each other, what attracted has you to one another, and what has kept you together throughout the years. I will want to get a sense of historical information, including your relationships with other significant people in your life and how those relationships may or may not be impacting how you show up in your current relationship. I will also get a clear sense of what you are hoping to get out of our time together, so that I have a really good understanding of how to support you on your journey of finding deeper meaning and connection in your relationship. The first session with me will likely be longer than a typical session. Of course, we can discuss together what would make the most sense for you and your relationship.
In the sessions that follow, we will address the goals that you set in the first counseling session(s). I often recommend readings to supplement the work that we do together in therapy and may ask you to try new things at home that we have discussed or tried in therapy. My approach to couples counseling is based in the notion that we do best as individuals when we have a safe and secure place to turn to in times of joy and sorrow (our relationship). I will support you in strengthening and deepening this bond so that you both feel that safety and security, that you both feel more and more comfortable with the vulnerability of reaching out to your partner and trusting in the belief that s/he will be there to reach back to you. We may explore past relationships to understand how they may/may not influence how you respond in current relationships. We will also look at aspects of neurobiology to understand how you respond under stress and how you can soothe your partner in times of stress (even if you are the one who created the stress in the first place!). We will identify together ways to understand your partner so well that you know what you need to do to provide comfort, support, and repair as needed. Having a perfect relationship is not the goal (of course), but knowing how to support each other in times of struggle and celebrate together in times of joy/happiness is.
Another hesitation you might have about couples counseling is that you are wondering if what has happened is not repairable (such as infidelity of one or both partners). Many couples come to couples counseling with the same question. It can feel as though something so devastating to your relationship can never be repaired. However, many couples are able to repair, rebuild trust/respect/connection, and find their relationship stronger than before. It takes commitment and hard work, and requires a willingness from both partners to repair and rebuild, but it is possible.
“Having worked with Aleisha for the past 7 years as a fellow colleague, I can attest that she is an amazing therapist and person. Her calm, kind and nonjudgmental manner creates a safe environment for her clients and couples. She is brilliant in her ideas and the interventions that she uses to help clients grow as individuals or as a couple. I would highly recommend Aleisha to any of my friends or family…she’s that wonderful!” – Janelle Washburne, LCSW, CST
Others have given me feedback as a couples therapist that I am able to listen to both partners’ perspectives, empathize with each person and with the situation, and support the couple in a nonjudgmental way. I am a PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy) Level I Trained Clinician.
If you are considering couples counseling, I invite you to call me at 303-727-0291 or contact me here for a free 15-minute consultation.